Part Four: Cocoa as Romance-Enhancer
(from January 2016)
The Hot-Blooded Little Love God
In what other than romantic love do madness, faith, and science culminate so sweetly? Having explored the latter three in previous posts, let us turn to romance and discuss healthy hearts from a different angle—not physical hearts, but figurative hearts. Yes, it is time to ruminate on cocoa’s connection to romantic love.
It comes as no surprise to me that the Maya used a cocoa drink in love rituals such as marriage. We moderns continue the tradition of connecting cocoa with romance when we give chocolates as gifts to our significant romantic others.
The first time Cupid hit me with an arrow (now there’s a chubby cherub chock-full of chocolate), he must have dipped the tip in some form of cocoa, because my love affair with cocoa began long before I ever fell prey to the wiles of a woman, and now (as I touched upon briefly in Part One) my cocoa love and my marital love intertwine.
The very word cocoa evokes within me feelings of romantic love.
During the most recent Christmas season, I ventured into the perfume section of Dillards in search of a high-class gift for my better half. This was unfamiliar territory for a nerdy, uncouth, unsophisticated guy like me, but I had done my homework, so I came prepared. I casually breezed past various brands of perfume, such as Lancome, Estée Lauder, Calvin Klein, and Dior. I was feeling both Frenchy and snobbishly aristocratic, and I knew exactly what I wanted. I sauntered up to the attractive, coquettish woman at the counter, told her with cool confidence what I was looking for, and asked her outright if she possessed the right stuff.
Being perfume savvy and recognizing the familiar glint in my hungry masculine eye, she wasted no time, but led me directly to the display that contained my coveted brand: Chanel. With dismissive husbandly hauteur I brushed aside any notion of purchasing an inferior toilette. I insisted on the finest parfum. I also paid the extra money for the larger bottle.
Which particular fragrance did I select?
Do you even need ask? Only the best for my classy Smooches!—I chose Coco.
Its very name sends a frisky frisson shivering up my spine.
How happy I am to have found yet another connection, even if only in wordplay, between my love for cocoa and my love for my wife. With cocoa pumping through my hot-blooded veins and Coco enhancing my wife’s already considerable beauty, my love life just keeps getting better all the time.
To any of you men out there who are wondering how to better woo the special women in your life, I suggest introducing cocoa into your romance. I suppose I could offer the same advice to women regarding their men—though being a man, I sometimes hesitate to make such suggestions to women. But then again, when it comes to cocoa, I feel confident: whether you are male or female, this is one love triangle that will actually improve your relationship.
To ye noble husbands in particular I say, picture your lovely wife in your mind and think of this: with your own blood already running hot from cocoa, just imagine what a fresh flood of freely flowing flavanols within her supple veins could do for you! Maybe she will be the one warming up your feet from now on.
Cocoa Love Poetry:
The Surest, Shortest, Sweetest Way
to a Woman’s Heart
My wife (whose name is Katya) is no cocoa coquette, but a genuine cocoa queen, at least in my estimation. Radiating eternal youth and beauty, she once again turned twenty-something this year in January, as she has done every year for the past—on second thought, I’ll stop there. This year, in a loving rush of poetic inspiration, perhaps induced by the combined influence of my cozy cocoa and Katya’s comforting Coco, I composed the following love sonnet:
My Too Sweet Weakness
For Two Sweet Women
My passions ache for two competing loves:
My cocoa sweet, my wife so soft and fair;
Yet they do not compete, these gentle doves—
My cocoa and my Katya are a pair!
Both bean and woman own me soul and body;
The flavanols within me rouse hot blood.
To cocoa and to her I say, “I love thee,”
And that love swells—an unabated flood!
I ask: With what sweet words can I cement
The rich, sweet love our marriage brews in us?
To pay my wife the greatest compliment,
I say that she is COCOA-LICIAMOUS!
A taste so unrelenting as is mine
Cannot resist such sweetness as is thine.
Reticent and taciturn though my wife often is, reluctant though at times she be to admit that I am her husband, not even she could hide her blushing happiness on her birthday this year after reading this poem on her Facebook page, where I impudently posted it for all her girlfriends to read and comment on.
By the way, one of them wrote that I deserved the Husband-of-the-Year Award for it, which should bolster my bona fides for this essay. I ain’t just talkin’ the talk here. I rest upon my record.
We simple-minded, awkward men often stumble in our halting efforts to occasionally enhance the happiness of the women we love, but we should take courage and remember that cocoa is potent stuff. If you want to express to your girlfriend or your wife that you consider her a glorious girl, a wonderful woman, a fabulous female, then write her a cocoa love poem, however simple, even if you feel you have no talent for it. Merely by evoking an association with cocoa in her tender heart, you will make her smile, and she will then associate that warm and loving feeling with you. Your effort alone will function as a flavanol within her metaphysical cardiovascular system, whereby you will establish a luscious love triangle of your own that potentially can make your love eternal as you intertwine her love for cocoa with her love for you.
Trust me, guys. Cocoa love poetry is where it’s at. She will adore you for it. I promise.
Such brown and bitter beauty in these little brittle beans, and yet such lovely life they do contain! And how like life that simple fact is: sometimes sweetness proves but superficial; sometimes bitterness expands and deepens our greatest joys.
Do not doubt the happiness guru.
Let us now conclude this cuckoo cocoa extravaganza.
In many cultures throughout the world, blood symbolizes life. Cocoa stimulates the healthy flow of blood; blood fuels the mysterious force of life; life lived to its fullest, life with rich abundance, creates and magnifies happiness. Therefore, cocoa fortifies the foundation of happiness; indeed, cocoa causes happiness. The logic is impeccable.
Go ahead. Indulge yourself. You know you want to. And you are so worth it! Your body is a temple; your spirit thirsts for light and life divine. You are a good person—you must be if you have read this far.
So be kind and gentle to yourself, and enhance your happiness with some cozy cocoa, in whatever form you choose.
You deserve it.